Gavin Gee. What a guy. At the poetry slam friday those in attendance were graced with a fine piece of prose by our dear stephanie hall. her ode to gavin began a whirlwind of mental activity that finally lead to this post, a dive into the depths of this young man's life, mind, and soul.
So who is gavin gee? what makes him the irresistible bachelor that he is? as a trusted and respected journalist i cannot reveal my sources, but many intimate conversations with many a delightful young woman has revealed some interesting things. gavin is wanted. theres something about that curly hair and the way he denies women. usually the unkempt and tightwads are left on the roadside, but he manages to keep the ladies coming back to bang their heads against his wall. hes immovable, and indecipherable.
so, as my gift to the women of the office i present what makes gavin tick. (it is april, the best month ever, so im feeling generous).
1) gavin loves cheap things
a certain girl, after a date with gavin recounted this to me: "we wanted to go get hot chocolate after our free date, and i knew gavin wouldnt want to spend any money, so i said lets goto mcdonalds, since that was the cheapest place i could think of."
not enough evidence? check out those shoes of his. he refuses to get new ones! think hes in love with the broken sandals? wrong, hes just in love with that green!
2) gavin enjoys being a vagrant
do you even know gavin?! do i really have to explain this one? let us consider a few facts: gavin doesnt spend money (maybe his panhandling isnt working out too well?), gavin looks homeless (check out that hair, the beard, or the shoes), and need i even mention the way he refuses to pay his rent and sleeps in the dumpster when his roomates deny his freeloading?
3) gavin hates women
surely this is the most attractive thing to those of the female sex. he denies you, so you come back for more abuse. perhaps the rest of us men could take a lesson from gavin and and try and seem more disinterested and turned off by those women around us
4) gavin likes to read good books
what a hottie!
5) gavin HATES liberals
dont even try and come in talking about how obama is your personal savior or about how the dems have the solution to *insert problem here*. this fast talking conservative will out quote you with his economist style knowledge of what the high profile conservatives are using as their debate material, and the man practically wrote the book on what is wrong with the welfare system today (see No, I won't work to support your lazy rear by Gavin Gee, Prentice Hall Publishing, NY, 2003). The man is a poster boy for the anti-liberal movement. He wont think its cute or witty when you purport to understand things you clearly dont or when your tree hugging attitude doesnt have the hard facts or answers he expects out of you when you try and argue.
6) gavin LOVES free things
kinda goes along with a lot of the previous posts. food is the way to this boy's heart
7) last but not least, gavin likes to drive slow
huh? well, he likes that, and that just shows how laid back and stress free he is. dont even TRY and bring your drama or tears to this guy's front door
oh, april 17th is my bday. make it awesome
<3 bryant
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3 comments:
Where can I get my copy of "No, I won't support your lazy rear"? That is going to be a best seller for sure!
i was just about to ask you! you did write it after all! time to call your publisher
I'm really not sure what's more hilarious - the ridiculously brutal explanations or the fact that it is 100% true. And yet, I will most certainly go back for more - dang that Gavin Gee and his utilitarian witchcraft!
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